Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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