How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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