I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
