I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
