Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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