So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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