24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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