i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
