Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
