You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
