the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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