I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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