Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
