Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize