You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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