Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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