I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
