I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
