I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
