You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
