I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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