I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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