Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
