She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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