i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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