Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize