I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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