Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
