I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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