can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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