My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
