hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
