She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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