she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
