It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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