So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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