Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
