NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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