i permit you to call me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
