Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
