i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
