yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
