party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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