i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
