Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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