Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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