hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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