Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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