ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
