i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
