I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
