i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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