how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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