you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
