This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
