I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
