Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
