i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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