Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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