look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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