In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
