I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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