ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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