She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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