U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
