last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You're like the curious george of whores
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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