And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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