got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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