Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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