He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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