so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
