ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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