I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
