I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
