So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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