Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im on a boat
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