I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
