Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
