I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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