my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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