Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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