she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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