new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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