She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
