i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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